What can you do for me?

During our recent trip to Goa with Vidya’s parents, we had the great idea (NOT!) to drive our scooters from our beach vacation location in Calangute to the state capital of Panjim. Although the trip was less than 15km and could mostly be done on back roads, it did require us to get on the state highway and cross a major river in order to enter the city. Little did we know that our trip over that bridge would have resulted in the need to pull over for a “random” police check (i.e., stop anybody that does not look Indian and/or is not wearing a helmet). Here is how the scene leading up to the police check and the interaction with the kind Goan traffic cops played out…

Adam (while getting on the bridge): Crap! There’s a rotary? There are two bridges here that go to Panjim?!!! Which bridge should we take?,
Vidya (sitting behind on the bike, and grabbing me harder by the moment): Look out for all of the lorries! Just go straight, just go, go!!!

Adam: Can you help me merge? Urrgh!!!

Vidya: Ok,,,slow down, will make sure Ma and Pa follow us too.

Both the bikes safely merge onto the rotary and exit to the bridge.

Adam: Phew!!! (and in my mind: stay calm…almost to the city!).

Vidya: Looking good...it’s way too narrow for any crazy drivers.

As we are getting off the bridge, two traffic cops on the left flag both bikes down. We know that Vid’s dad likely got stopped for not wearing a helmet on a state highway, but we had no idea why we are sitting here too.

Adam: Vid, do you know why we got stopped?
Vidya: Cause you are fair and handsome?! (ie. foreigner alert!)

Adam (cautiously): Good afternoon sir. How are you sir?

Traffic Cop: Haan! (nice looking scapegoat I say!) How are you?

Adam: I am doing well sir. We are on our way to Panjim. How do you get to Panjim???

Traffic Cop: Do you know why we stopped you?

Adam: No sir, I am wearing a helmet, no?

Traffic Cop: Yes, you are wearing helmet. Can I see driver’s license?

Adam (nervously): Um, ohhhh, you want to see my license?

Traffic Cop: Yes, you need an International Driver’s license in India.

Adam (even more nervously): Yes, I know that sir. I have a license, sir, but I ….I left it in the hotel room, sir. Traffic Cop: Ohhh! But you need a license to drive in India. It is a very big fine! 950 rupees ($20 US). Big fine!
Adam: Uhhhh, I just need to know how to get to Panjim? Is this the state highway? How do I get to Panjim?
Traffic Cop: What can you do for me? Vidya: Sir, I have a license from the US. Do you want to see my license from the US sir?

Vidya reaches into her purse and pulls out her barely used Maine driver’s license. The traffic cop scans it over but quickly discards it.

Traffic Cop: You are not the one driving…. Big fine for driving without license in India. 950 rupees. What can you do for me? Huh????

Adam: So is that Panjim? (Waving my hand over) How do you get there, sir?

Traffic Cop (now both confused and amused): Um, well, you needed to take that bridge over, or go straight and then go around the next rotary and head back towards us…. WWhhhat can you do for me?

Adam: So go down, and then take a left??? (like are you sure dude?) So that’s the only way to Panjim? We don’t have to go back?

The traffic cop appears to be tired of trying to extract something from us besides a plea for directions and looks back and sees his colleague collecting some cash from Vidya’s dad*.

Traffic Cop: Who is that back there?

Vidya: That is my father and mother, sir. We are all from Bangalore on family vacation.

Traffic Cop (now showing a big smile because he knows that some money has changed hands and that we are just one big happy family trying to get to Panjim): Okay, make sure that you bring your license next time. It’s big offence to not drive in India without a license. Just remember to go around that rotary up there and head back towards the bridge. The first exit will take you to Panjim.

Adam and Vidya (together): Okay sir. Thank you sir!!! It will never happen again sir. Have a great day sir!!!

Traffic Cop (still smiling): Okay!! Haan-haan. All the best! (He shakes hands with us)

All of us cautiously take off, head around the rotary, and successfully exit towards Panjim without incident and take a huge sigh of relief!

Here are some outcomes of the story:

1. Avoid state highways at all cost when you are an inexperienced scooter driver in Goa.

2. Always wear a helmet when riding on a two-wheeled vehicle

3. When stopped by a Goan traffic cop, the key is to act totally confused and constantly deflect the idea that you have to pay for what you might have done wrong

4. Goan traffic cops are some of the coolest and nicest policemen that we have ever met!

* Note, the money that exchanged hands was only Rs. 100 ($2/-), which was the authorized fine for driving on a state highway in Goa without a helmet. Vid’s dad was even provided a citation that was valid for 24 hours in case he got stopped again for the same infraction.

An 'action' photo of the same traffic cop that we quickly snapped on our way to the airport: